Choosing Pain

Every choice we make comes with a level of pain and hardship. There is no perfect life. There is no life where we don’t have hardships and struggles. Even the good things in life come with struggle and even pain of some sort. This week in Deeper Thoughts we’re going to talk about how you choose our pain. So what do I mean when I say we choose our pain? Let’s look at some examples.

So let’s say you’re in a dead end job/career that you hate, but you stay in it because the money lets you live comfortably. You might have another career that you think would be better suited for you, but it will require 2-4 more years of courses to get started, and you’ll have to start at the bottom and work your way back up. In this scenario, you can choose to stay in the job you hate for the money, or you can choose the career that could be better suited and more aligned to you, thus being happier, but you’ll have to take time, put in effort and hours to be ready for that career and it might take time to get back up financially where you’re at now.

If you choose the current job where the money is already good, then you’re also choosing to stay in a work environment you don’t like and taking on the mental and emotional stress that comes along with that. If you choose the new career then you’re choosing hard work and a pay cut in order to feel happier and more aligned. In both of these scenarios if you’re choosing based on money, there’s going to be struggle and pain no matter which choice you make.

Another example is choosing to get healthier. You might really enjoy your sweets, processed foods, and spending time watching TV or playing video games, but also know you need to improve your health. If you choose the former, then that lifestyle might feel good in the moment when you enjoy those things, but long term you feel tired, drained, put on extra pounds which may affect your self esteem and overall health. But if you choose to go with that latter then you choose the pain of giving up more of those sweets or your TV time, and if you decide to start exercising then you’re also choosing the pain of working out and the resulting soreness that comes afterwards, especially when starting out. But the result of choosing this pain is a healthier body, better self esteem, and more energy overall.

Do you dream of becoming a professional athlete? Then doing so will mean you choose the pain of constant training to be the best and choosing the pain of partying less than your friends who don’t have that same ambition.

But let’s look deeper into this example. If you hate the cold but love snowboarding, then you’re going to have to choose being in the cold. Or you might want to be an olympic swimmer, but hate mornings, but you may have to choose the pain of getting up early to beat everyone to the pool for your training.

Perhaps you decide to stop renting and want to buy a home. You have more freedom to do with your property what you want when you own it, but you’re choosing pain of a mortgage and having to pay for repairs yourself. But if you decide to always rent then you choose the pain of high rent every month with no end in sight, and risk of eviction if your landlord raises rent to high or decides to sell.

Or many you decide you want to better your life in general. You start letting go of coping mechanisms like drinking for escapism. Or even if you don’t drink, but go to the bars to hang out with your friends and start feeling like it just isn’t for you anymore. Perhaps you start getting firm in your boundaries and don’t let people take advantage of you anymore. Maybe you realize your people pleasing tendencies are causing you more harm than good so you start being more reserved with your energy. In doing these you’ll choose the pain of alienation from those you once perceived as close friends, but realize now that it was those vices and coping strategies that actually drew them to you. It’s the pain of a smaller circle, but in choosing that pain you see higher quality friendships with those who encourage you to step into and embrace your inner power.

You might be tired of working for other people and want to start your own business. But even if you start it off as a side hustle, you have the pain of making investments to get the tools you need to get started as well as extra hours along with your full time job to make that side hustle grow. And as it grows if you decide you really want to go all in like you first set out to do, then you’re eventually choosing the pain of leaving the comfort of that full time job and trusting in you and your plan in this business you want to run.

There’s even pain we choose in our relationships. We might not always remain in alignment with those we love. As we grow we may not always stay compatible with them. And even if these things never change and the relationship flourishes, everyone dies so there’s still that pain of loss. We choose that pain because we think and feel it’s worth the chance for a beautiful and meaningful relationship.

While this article may sound depressing, that is not its intent. My goal here is to shine a light on that all things come with pain to some degree or another. When you say yes to one thing you are saying yes to the pain that comes along with it. This is part of the duality of life. I write this article for you so you can begin making more conscious choices and think long term as you move forward so when you do make choices you are okay with choosing the pain that comes along with those choices. You may be fine with those long hours of training, going back to school, making those initial business investments, or that mortgage. If you are then you can feel more confident moving forward. If not then you might need to look for an alternative route in life. Either is fine as long as you are intentionally choosing whatever pain comes from your choices.

Thank you for reading, and once again, I hope you have an enlightening day.