Resistance: What's Pushing Us Back.

Many times we want to do something but something else gets in our way. We might want to get a new tool, furniture, or book a vacation, but then the car breaks down, hours at work get cut, or we need to get a new appliance. These are examples of external resistance, where outside forces affect our plans, desires, and needs. These are easier to see, assess, adapt and/or overcome. But there’s another type of resistance we all experience, and many times we’re not even aware of it. Internal resistance.

Yes there are many times we have internal resistance to something. Some examples of this can include things like not wanting to go to a party someone invited you too because they give you weird vibes, or not taking on a job because you know it will conflict with your current way of life like having to work evenings when instead you’d rather work while your children are at school. It could be something that is conflicting with your own moral compass such as working at a job that professes political alignment that contradicts your own. Or maybe you might dread studying for an exam because you want to go hang out with friends.

These types of internal resistance are easier for us to not only notice, but to understand why we’re experiencing these resistances. But sometimes we might be aware of the resistance, but aren’t completely sure what’s causing the resistance. This is because this resistance is buried deep down into our subconscious. For instance, you might be at a point where you dread going to work every day, but you’re not sure why. It could bring you a good income, and it’s not because you’re lazy, in fact you could very well be the hardest, most consistent worker there. It could be that subconsciously the job isn’t fulfilling to you and it no longer serves you because it doesn’t allow you to reach your potential, be it as a leader, using your creativity, or it doesn’t fuel your passions. You know the resistance is there, but you aren’t sure where it stems from.

Then there’s the resistances we have that’s hidden in our subconscious, but we’re not even aware of them. These are what cause us to do things like push someone away in a relationship and we might think they’re the best thing to ever happen to us. Someone who experiences this isn’t aware they’re even pushing the other person away. Even though they want a relationship this person may have childhood trauma that has them believing they have to do things to receive the love and affection they crave, but end up harboring resentment thinking they have to do this.

An example of this might be Ken who started seeing Scarlett. At the  start of the relationship he loves bombing her. He’s always texting her first thing to tell her good morning, takes her out on dates multiple times a week, and keeps buying her gifts (that she never asked for.) Because he’s done all of this without any prompting from her, Scarlett naturally thinks this is Ken’s nature. Ken has been happy to do this at first, but over time he thinks Scarlett is only with him because of all the money he spends on her. So after a while he stops taking her on dates, quits buying her nice gifts, and even waits until Scarlett messages him first before he starts talking to her during the day. Scarlett is naturally confused about this sudden change in behavior and when she asks Ken about it he gets angry and accuses her of being a gold digger. Scarlett, blindsided by this accusation, is upset and ends up leaving Ken because he’s switched his behavior and feels like she’s been duped. Ken has pushed away Scarlett because he’s in resistance to relationships because as a child he only received love and affection from one or both of his caretakers based on what he did for them.

Sometimes we’re subconsciously in resistance to something due to limiting self beliefs. A simple example of this might be Brad, who wants more wealth in life, but he doesn't believe he’s worthy of money. This stems from childhood programming and can look like growing up in a family that was poor for generations and the generational wounding is the family has always been poor and will always be poor. Until Brad forms a better relationship with money he will stay in resistance to money and always be at odds with it, causing him to pass up on opportunities that could help him increase his financial standings. 

You have to do the inner work to help you release your resistance toward the things you want, be it money, relationships, self confidence, or anything else. It doesn’t matter how bad you might want something, if you’re subconsciously in resistance to it you’ll keep doing things that keep you opposed to those things you want. This is why affirmations seldom work, because deep down in your subconscious you don’t really believe them.

Resistance is something we experience throughout our lives, whether we’re aware of it or not. Understanding yourself so you can recognize these resistances, and find ways to heal them is key so you can release these resistances and achieve what you want.

Thank you again for reading and I hope you have an enlightening day.